Family Life with Adopted Kids

Raised in a very conservative family, it never really occurred to me the idea of adoption. Before my perspective about family is narrow and child-like, a mom and a dad together with their biological kids, nothing more and nothing less. I guess my only exposure to this kind of family setting are the old Filipino drama series that depicts adoption in their family, the cliché that the adopted child and the biological child gets switch and so on and so forth. So it dawned on me how a family life with an adopted kid is?

See, “Love Sees beyond Differences” has been such an eye-opener to those children whom at a young age seeks for the warmth and comfort of a family. It made me expose more and understand to stories of people, to the idea of connection and to unconditional love. Stories about people for how diverse life really is, there are couples who are blessed with little angels and there are those who are not, there are children with family who took their parents for granted and there are children who couldn’t wish for more but a tight hug from parents who can call their own. Secondly the idea of connection, of how not only blood or surname connects people, not only these two labels you as a part of family. Family means so much more than being that, Family means love more than anything. Finally unconditional love, perhaps this is the real standard of being a family, the love that loves you for who you are and for whom you are not, the love that doesn’t care about where you’re from, and the love that sees beyond differences. Going back to the question how a family life with an adopted child is? I think it has no differences at all from the family life with biological kids. A family life with adopted kids has all the elements it needs to stand as one, a mother and a father with their adopted kids and most importantly the unconditional love that ties them to stand as one. Those kids may not came from the mothers womb but they came from their hearts, They are a family nonetheless.

By Igel Manalo

Anne's Adoption Story

As seen in http://www.cradle.org/adopted-people-stories-anne

Photo from skinnymom.com

I don’t remember the first time I learned I was adopted. It wasn’t like in the movies: There was no shocking revelation or teary-eyed confession. It has just always been a part of who I am.

Sure, when I was younger it sometimes made me feel different than the other children. Whenever I made a wish, especially on my birthday, I would think of my biological mother. I’d wonder where I came from and if she shared my eye color. But most of the time, my adoption story just struck me as special. My mom was somewhat religious and told me it was God’s way of putting our family together. So I just always knew this was how my life was meant to be, and it was never something I kept hidden.

Over the years, I’ve felt so fortunate for the life I’ve led. My mom repeatedly reassured me how my biological parents chose adoption because they loved me, so I’ve never once resented their choice. Instead, I’m thankful for the opportunities adoption has provided me – an amazing childhood with caring parents. My dad was a lawyer who coached all of my sports teams, and my mom was a teacher who stayed at home with us for a good chunk of our childhood. I lived in a nice suburb of Chicago, and I was always surrounded by my large extended family. My brother was also adopted from The Cradle, so I didn’t feel alone in that regard.

Still, in the past, I did occasionally find it difficult to relate to other people. But that feeling was rare, and when it happened I would turn to my parents for comfort. They would help me understand my background, or at least as much as they knew about it. I was adopted in 1979 when closed adoption was still the norm, so the information they could pass on was limited. Even so, they knew my history was important, and they even brought me back to The Cradle to see the nursery where I stayed as a baby.

About a year ago, I reached out to The Cradle to find out more about my biological parents. I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and wanted to do a file check on my medical history. As luck would have it, it turned out my biological mother had also recently contacted The Cradle to reach out to me. One of The Cradle’s social workers asked if I would be willing to exchange a letter, and so I did.

I still don’t know my biological mother too well, but I think she was relieved to hear how I’ve turned out. But because my life has been more tumultuous recently, I’m taking our reconnection just one step at a time, moving forward at a slow pace. I’ve only written that one letter, and she has sent me a couple. Still, I’m eager to strengthen our relationship and I’m looking forward to what lies ahead.

"Love Sees Beyond Differences" is an advocacy we, UST students, had to work hand in hand with for our Ideas that Matter event (an academic activity participated by Advertising and Communication Arts students of UST). At first I was a bit hesitant if we could be successful since not a lot of people are open to the broad aspect which is adoption. It is fulfilling to see that the students I was with eventually warmed up to the advocacy after the 3 days of ITM. A lot of students are now open to the concept of adoption. They now have deeper understanding of what adoption really is and what it can do for other people.

Adoption is not just about welcoming someone into your home. It doesn't end there. It’s about being a family and creating a home for the child and being there every step of the way. Being the reason for a child’s smile is the most fulfilling or the lightest feeling in the world and I think the Love Sees Beyond Differences campaign has that power. The power to give joy to children and parents alike.

By Claudine dela Cruz

I’ve always been aware of adoption from watching local TV shows from when I was a little kid. Honestly speaking, I didn’t really know how to feel about children who didn’t have a place to call home or didn’t know anything about their real parents who were supposed to be there by their side.

The relationship between the adoptive parents and adopted children is an interesting subject.

Generally, people know that those kinds of relationships may hit a bumpy road because of their complicated status.  Aside from providing essential needs, love and care for the child, they must face the fact that one day, they would have to tell their adoptive child that he/she is adopted.

 A couple who have always desired a child and finally was able to adopt a child after a grueling process would feel very blessed and fall in love with their new son/daughter but would soon be served with issues with their adopted child when he/she hits the teenage years.

How should adoptive parents deal with disclosing the truth to their child?

Telling the truth to an adopted child would hit various chords that would affect his/her relationships inside the family and even to friends, people they know from school and such.

Adoptive parents should convey to their child in the beginning that it is alright to talk about their adoption openly. If they seek answers to questions about their identity, then the adoptive parents must oblige. Openly conversing about the adoption could serve as a means of bonding of the adopted child and adoptive parents.

In the end, like every other relationship, a relationship between an adopted child and his/her adoptive parents is a relationship of give-and-take, of understanding that requires not only love but patience as well.

Adoption isn’t just giving food, shelter and a name for a homeless child. It is not only an option for couples who can’t have children, or for people who just want another member of their family. It is saving one’s life – giving the child a chance to fulfill his/her dreams and happiness despite the challenges the parents may face while raising the child and the fact that he/she is different.

I believe that this is what the advocacy wishes to tell everyone about.  That adoption isn’t just an act of kindness but a kind of love worth declaring despite differences.

-Jeri Ann A. Gabon, University of Santo Tomas- College of Fine Arts and Design

Adoption

Adoption, in the literal sense means having to take in a child or person who is not related to you by blood, and registering that person formally as a part of your family.

This word reminds me of an old joke or remark coming from my parents back then. “Adopted kalang”, they would say when the mood is light or fitting. I never understood the concept of why “being adopted” is associated with “being different”.  When I was young and naïve, the word “ampon” sounded so harsh to the ears. Even up until now, when someone uses the word “ampon” or the remark “ampon kalang”, it sounds very degrading (and rather offensive).

The stigma present in adoption today runs rampant and I believe that parents must educate their children to change this mindset.

I believe that adoption is /not/ a negative thing at all. Rather, I see adoption as a calling for selected parents who have a heart big enough to take in a child whom they are not related to. Not everyone has the courage to adopt. The very concept of adoption is big and life-changing. Parents who stepped up opened a new path in their lives.

While it is true that “it really depends on our circumstances”, regardless, we should learn to respect and appreciate adoption. Adopted or not, adoptive parents or a regular parent, we shouldn’t pick sides and draw lines because of labels. We are all different. And these children and parents just had a special way of meeting each other.

It’s a matter of perspective. Let’s open our minds and hearts to appreciate more things in life.  Support , understand and appreciate adoption today. 

By: Alyssa Acedillo

Thomasians speak up: What adoption is for them

Margi Fajardo, College of Fine Arts and Design Major in Advertising

With this experience I was able to appreciate more the family I have now. As early as 18 years old I already have decided that I would adopt when I grow up and have my own family. And being part of the Love Sees Beyond Differences campaign it convinced me enough to actually want to solidify that plan in the future. Also, it actually enlightened me somehow on the process of adoption.

 Hans Lagman, College of Fine Arts and Design Major in Advertising

After attending the music event last Friday, I watched and observed how the families with adopted children acted. Adoption isn’t about whose blood you carry, or having different bloodline, it’s about who you love and who loves you. It’s all about taking care of each other no matter how big the differences are between you and them. 

Venzerie Bernabe, Faculty of Arts and Letters Major in Communication Arts

It has become clear to me: adoption is a kind of love worth declaring. Adopted children should not be ashamed of being such, because it means that they are lucky to have a family that will guide them and love them as they grow old. Adoption promises light, a good future, and everlasting love. It is something very beautiful, not something to be ashamed of. 

Rencie Baluyot, Faculty of Arts and Letters Major in Communication Arts

I learned that adoption should never be a subject of shame or embarrassment, but of love, gratefulness and hope. 

Cy Aquino,  College of Fine Arts and Design Major in Advertising

Attending the music event is really a great opportunity for me. Well, as I saw the parents and children in the event, I was very moved. I can see that they really love their children so much. Another thing, these parents are like angels sent from above, giving endless love to the children they adopted. As what Ma’am Dinky Soliman said, “Coming from the stomach is not the important thing, it’s loving from the heart.” I’m thankful for the parents that provide love and non-stop support to all their adoptive sons and daughters. 

The Difference that We Make

A child’s smile, laugh and his first word are moments we wish to experience when we have our own family. But what if by an unexpected twist of fate we are robbed of the chance to have our own child?

Adoption has always been an option from not having your own child. Many couples consider adoption but almost always there are different reasons that hinder them from going through the process of adopting a child. A lot of them hesitate because they think that they are going to be frowned upon by society. Not even considering that by going through adopting a child they are gifting him with a brand new life. A once vague chance to live a life full of love and happiness are being given to children that are adopted by couples who can’t have a child or already have a family but wants to add to it even more. You see, although adoption is a wonderful thing it’s still not that of a well known alternative for couples here in the Philippines. Stigmas still coats a wonderful thing such as adoption. So what can we do? What difference can we make?

 We should start and be the bridge that would connect and lead the way for everyone to see adoption in all its goodness not the one with all its stigmas. We should start in changing the mindset of everyone and let them see that adoption is something that spreads love and happiness through every family that experience it. We are the perfect vehicle for spreading more awareness about adoption. Family is the one thing that each and every one of us needs. We all deserve a family that will love and care for us. Don’t let stigmas in the society be in the way in letting a child be part of a family. Yes, you may not be related by blood but a much more binding force connects an adoptive child from the parents and that is the love they share for each other. A love that encompasses all the difference they have for when one talks about love in a family its love that is everlasting and unconditional. We could be part for every child to have a family and that someday a child will never be deprived of a family that he deserves.  

By Kinah Florendo     

A New Hope

                There a lot of abandoned children in the country. They are mostly abandoned due to the lack of support their own family could give them. They are then left on the streets to ask for money and people usually ignore these children. People are either afraid of them or they think that they are working for a syndicate. But how do we give them a chance to have a better life?

                Here comes adoption. It’s nothing new in this country but it is becoming the least solution to the problems of abandoned children. Adopting a child is giving them a new life. People should not adopt not only due to pity but because they are really willing to give them a chance to be loved by a family. 

                In adopting, people should see that the children they are adopting are not different than them. No matter where the children came from, parents should treat them like they have always been a part of the family. But they should also tell their adopted children the truth as they have the right to know it. Love and acceptance should be the priority of the children. Because of adoption, they have been saved from a lonely world.

               

                People should be more aware of adoption and this has been done by the Department of Social Welfare and Development and also the help of McCann Philippines’ Love Sees Beyond Differences. Different families who adopted have gathered to celebrate the good things about adoption. Not everything is bad about adoption. It gives chance to the abandoned and also, love is spread. Personally, I know a relative who has been adopted. Now, she is excelling in school and sports. She has been given good education and she has been brought up well by her parents. This shows that adoption is not bad at all. The process might be long but the end result is fulfilling for both the parents and the children.

                A new perspective on adoption should be seen by the people. It might open up the minds of the people and make them consider adopting a child. We should all see beyond our differences. Because in these differences, we find the hope and love we are looking for. 

by Abigail Diaz

Love Sees Beyond Differences: An Advocacy Campaign on Adoption

Last Friday, February 22, 2013, I was given the chance to be a part of this event as a student photographer. It happened in Terra 28 Park, Bonifacio Global City. It was my first time to be a photographer for a music event and I had so much fun!

Love Sees Beyond Differences is an advocacy campaign for adoption to remove the stigma to adopted children. This year’s Adoption Consciousness event is brought to you by Department of Social Welfare and Development, Inter-Country Adoption Board and McCann Erickson Philippines. Adoption is a love worth declaring! :)

Here are some of the photos that I took in the music event.

 Thank you to Sir Velez(middle) for this opportunity! I’ve learned a lot :)  I think they are two of the official photographers for the event!

 Too bad some of the big local artists that are supposed to be part of this event are in Clark! It includes Ogie Alcasid and Gary Valenciano. Nevertheless, I sang my heart out while taking the artists' photos!

Music is the key to the soul

Last February 22 2013, McCann Philippines hosted a music event that supported an adoption advocacy. Love Sees Beyond Differences, is an adoption advocacy campaign that was launched last November 29, 2012, that aims to eliminate the negative stigma that adoption has held and to promote adoption in the country. The music event started with a mass which was presided by Fr. Armand Robleza SDB and continued on with a concert of various of OPM artists and appearances from our nation's leaders.

                             

Erik Santos voiced out a heartwarming song.

A short inspirational message was given by Undersecretary Dinky Soliman.

Jamie Rivera

Nay

Jeffrey Hidalgo dedicates a song to his younger brother.

Moonstar88 sings Torete

UST Student Volunteers

The night was filled music and smiles. Everyone enjoyed the sound as it rung from the string of the well toned guitars and the beat coming from the tap of the stick against the skin of the drum. The crowd had a wonderful night. 

author: Pat U.